5 Must Have Mindfulness Strategies for Parents
“When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change."
Mindful Parenting Changes the Narrative
If you are reading this, you have already heard about mindfulness. Maybe you have a meditation practice, but never thought about integrating it into your parenting.
I'm Kate:) I am the founder of the Story of Us. I've been teaching movement and guiding meditation for two decades. However, as a parent to a toddler, it takes about 3 seconds for me to lose my cool. These 5 strategies have helped me regain that inner peace during moments of chaos, and are helping my son learn how to manage his big feelings too.
5 Must Have Mindfulness Strategies for Parents
1. Mindfulness can change the way we view tantrums
The root of every tantrum is an unmet need. When my toddler absolutely has to have his firetruck in his bed at night and its causing a major meltdown, instead of saying no right away, I pause and mentally reframe it. Does he need that firetruck, or does he need my attention? The right question is: 'what does he need right now?" Not "why is he acting this way? If I try to change the behavior without addressing the underlying need, we don't get anywhere. In fact, we feel less connected with each other, more frustrated, and angry, instead of heard and understood.
2. Mindfulness can get us back to the moment we're in
One of my favorite quotes is from Pema Chodron. Pema is an American-born Tibetan Buddhist and ordained nun. Her teachings on mindfulness inspire a peaceful way of life that awakens compassion within ourselves. Pema says: "remember you are the sky. Everything else is just the weather." In other words, both the beautiful moments with our children, and the times when we want to pull our hair out, are temporary. We are the witnesses, the observers of what is happening. The storms will come and go, but the 'weather' of the Self remains clear underneath it all.
3. Mindfulness keeps us in charge
I'll admit that when the boundaries in our house began to be crossed by my toddler, the easiest thing for me to do was to give in and let him dictate how things were going to go. Mindfulness teaches us how to let go. In our house, when its hard to leave a toy or activity, we practice saying goodbye. Instead of inventing stories about other commitments, you can simply say, “Thank you for that music time together. It’s always great to hear your voice. We have time for one more song, and then we have to go to school." Practicing different variations of this for screen time, play time, etc. can be extremely helpful. P.S. Click here to see what our favorite song is right now!
4. Mindfulness reminds us that we are the safe space
One of my best friends is a therapist, and when I was telling her about how my kids are really acting up at home lately, she said: "well, that makes sense. You are their safe space." When kids go to daycare or school or other activities, they know its important to behave. There are social pressures to do the right thing, and different rewards. At home, when the day is done and the guard is down, the behavior changes. I have a meditation space for myself at home that includes a nice glowy lamp, special stones, fuzzy blankets, etc. So, it makes sense that the kids should have that, too. Create a 'calm corner' in their room, the basement, or somewhere quiet. Let them bring a favorite stuffy, blanket, book, etc. Let them know this is a place they can always go to unwind for a bit.
5. Mindfulness shows us how to make mistakes bravely
Fear is going to be a player in our lives. Its a natural human response that is hard wired within us to keep us safe. Mindfulness teaches us self awareness that help us recognize the fight or flight response. Here, we can create a little space, a little breath, and in that place, we invite courage to rise up instead of fear. Our kids learn through our examples, and how we handle our perceived mistakes mindfully- with courage and compassion for ourselves.
Your Mindful Parent Checklist:
Here is a quick checklist to get you started with mindfulness at home. Remember imperfect action beats inaction, so just get started and keep doing your best. Our Story of Us community will be by your side, supporting you the whole way!.
*Create a morning routine for yourself that allows for a few moments of quiet before you start your day.
Find accountability partners; people who are working toward mindful parenting and share tips. Join us at www.storyofus.love
Make a chart, if helpful, or add sticky notes to the bathroom mirror and fridge, with sayings like: 'pause' 'you are the sky' and 'courage over fear' or whatever will bring you to the moment.
Block off your calendar in the middle of your day to take a walk, breathe, move a little. This is mindfulness in action, and creating a habit of it will integrate it into your life, and the lives of your kids.
